Are We There Yet? The Divorce Journey of 2020.
Ah, the last weeks of summer. Time for relaxing at the family bbq, enjoying a day at the beach, attending a baseball game or taking a road trip with the family. At least these are some of the summer images that may come to mind for many, pre-COVID19. Now, things are looking quite different. Working remotely is hardly taking it easy and that is if you are lucky enough to be working at all. The beaches are limiting capacity and many require you wear a mask. Baseball season was delayed and, many have argued, should have been cancelled altogether. On the other hand, a road trip sounds fun. Here, at least we can control our environment, include who we want and determine the path. Where shall we go? What is our budget? And most importantly, what are we hoping to do along the way? In other words, what do we want out of this trip?
These three questions can prove quite useful regarding a family vacation and the very same questions can also be pivotal inquiries when it comes to starting the divorce process. Let’s examine some of the questions posed above, and compare them to a “typical” divorce, although in reality we all know each situation is quite unique. “Where shall we go?” The age-old question that determines where we want to get to, from the place we are currently located. When we are looking to drive to a chosen destination, we have to determine how long or short we want the drive to be and what our goals are for the trip. Want something edge-of-your-seat exciting? Maybe a local theme park. Want something more peaceful? Maybe a weekend at the lake. What about when you are divorcing or separating from your partner? Where would you like the relationship to end up? While I do love theme parks and embrace the excitement wholeheartedly, when it comes to divorce, I would prefer a different approach to the process. The traditional divorce model pulls you into the court system and leaves much of the process up to your spouse and his/her litigation-minded attorneys. While many attorneys are eager to help in coming to a resolution that will benefit the entire family, there are still far too many who don’t take this approach. Before consulting with an attorney about divorce or separation, ask yourself- ‘where do I want to go from here?’ Like many people I have spoken with over the years, you may imagine yourself in a place where you feel safe (financially and emotionally) and are able to move forward with your life, free from bitterness or hostility. A place where you can protect your children and co-parent effectively. Perhaps even a place where you can be friends with your soon-to-be ex. Should you wish for this to be your new destination, then please consider learning more about the Collaborative divorce process. Here, you are afforded the same legal protections as if you were in court and you have a family support specialist and a financial expert to guide you on the right path. All of the meetings are done in a comfortable setting, all communications are civil and respectful and you have your own attorney who will provide legal counsel along the way. And the best part? You make all of the decisions and you never have to go to court. There is no one dictating where you will end up or what decisions you must make. If you want to be in a financially and emotionally better place after your divorce, Collaborative might be the best option for you.
How much will this cost? When planning any life event, finances are a real concern and can dictate how you navigate the decision-making process. If it’s a road trip, there are expected costs from fuel to tolls to the time spent driving. In the divorce process costs are a very serious concern. The litigation model is surely the most expensive and has even caused many people I know to be financially crippled for years after the divorce action concluded. If setting out and sticking to a budget is important to you and your family, please know that the Collaborative model saves time and money, in that your resources are spent more efficiently. There is never any wasted time in court, no useless motions filed and no time threatening litigation. You rely on one financial expert who can assist with budgets, with gathering documents and with crafting new financial scenarios for your future. With an open process, a team approach and full transparency, you are never left wondering what is going on with the budget because you are informed each step of the way.
Finally, what are you hoping to experience on this road trip? This is a very important, final question. Do you want that heart stomping adventure where you throw caution to the wind or do you want something calmer and more supportive of your interests? In vacation mode, both sound like fun options. In the world of divorce, however, throwing caution to the wind is not an idea that I suggest. There will be so many emotions you experience and so many decisions to make- it may feel overwhelming at times. With the family support specialist there to help you navigate the uncertainties, you can be confident in the choices you are making. Best of all, you get to decide what kind of divorce you want. All options are in your hands and you get to maintain your family’s dignity while making these decisions.
If you are anything like me, you miss the pre-COVID days where we could plan out a trip without making special provisions for social distancing, extra hand sanitizers and those pesky masks. Yet even with the adjustments that we have had to make during this health crisis, many of us have learned to approach challenges in different ways; maybe even embrace them. If you answered the question of ‘what is it that you want out of this process,’ with the ‘protection of your family or emotional/financial security for the future,’ then the Collaborative model may be right for you. For now, enjoy the last days of summer and take that road trip with the peace of mind that only Collaborative can bring.
