Glossary

Types of Divorce

Collaborative Divorce: A team approach to divorce where each spouse has their own attorney, and everyone commits to resolving issues without going to court. The team often includes mental health professionals and financial experts who help address all aspects of the separation. You never go to court.

Contested Divorce: When spouses cannot agree on one or more major issues, requiring court intervention. This is typically more expensive, time-consuming, and emotionally draining than other options. You will go to court.

Divorce by Default: When your spouse doesn't participate in the process, we can request an uncontested divorce from the court. Think of it as moving forward solo when your partner won't engage at all or cannot be found. You may have to go to court, although not likely.

Kitchen Table Approach: The DIY route - you and your spouse work out the details together (literally at your kitchen table) before putting everything into a settlement agreement. While this works for some, most people benefit from professional guidance. You never go to court.

Litigation: The traditional court-based divorce process that turns your private matters into public record. This adversarial approach means lawyers fight it out in court, often leading to higher costs, longer timelines, and increased conflict. Think of it as the opposite of everything we stand for - instead of maintaining dignity and control, you're putting major life decisions in a judge's hands.

Mediation: A voluntary process where a neutral third party (mediator) helps couples reach agreements on divorce-related issues outside of court. The mediator facilitates discussion but doesn't make decisions for the couple. An attorney mediator is NOT the attorney for both parties nor the attorney for either party separately. You never go to court.

Negotiated Settlement: Each spouse (or just one) hires their own attorney to work out the agreement terms before filing an uncontested application. Traditional but still avoids court drama. You never go to court.

Uncontested Divorce: When both spouses agree on all major issues (division of assets, child custody, support, etc.) and don't need court intervention to resolve disputes. This is typically the fastest and most cost-effective approach. You never go to court.

Legal Agreements

It is important to note that an "agreement" is not the same thing as an "order" of the court. In order to be legally enforceable on its face, it is best to have an order of the court. If you have an agreement that is not an order, it may still be used as evidence if needed, but it will not be treated in the same manner as if it were ordered directly from a jurist.

Child Support Agreement: A formal document outlining how parents will share the financial responsibilities of raising their children, including basic needs, healthcare, education, and activities.

Cohabitation Agreement: Cohabitation agreements are legal documents designed to protect the financial and personal interests of couples who live together but are not legally married. They are particularly important for LGBTQ+ couples or polyamorous relationships.

Custody Arrangement: The formal plan detailing how parents will share time with and responsibility for their children, including decision-making authority and physical custody schedules.

Postnuptial Agreement: Similar to a prenup, but created after marriage. This agreement can help couples clarify financial responsibilities and asset division while already married.

Prenuptial Agreement: A contract created before marriage that outlines how assets, support and responsibilities will be handled if the marriage ends in divorce.

Separation Agreement: A legal document detailing how a couple will handle finances, property division, and parenting responsibilities while living apart, whether or not they plan to divorce.

Stipulation of Settlement: The written agreement that spells out all the terms of your divorce - think of it as your divorce roadmap. This document covers everything from asset division to parenting schedules, and becomes legally binding once signed.

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence refers to a pattern of abusive behavior used by one partner to exert power and control over the other within a marriage or intimate relationship.

Coercive Control: A pattern of controlling behaviors aimed at restricting the victim's freedom, such as isolating them from family and friends, monitoring their activities, or controlling where they go and what they do. This can be overt or subtle.

Emotional or Psychological Abuse: Tactics such as intimidation, humiliation, verbal assaults/harassment, stalking/following, threats, or constant criticism designed to undermine the victim's self-worth and mental health.

Financial Abuse: Controlling access to money or limiting access to information regarding finances, preventing the victim from working, or using financial resources to maintain power over the other person.

Physical Abuse: This includes hitting, slapping, pushing, choking, or other forms of physical harm that cause injury or fear of injury.

Sexual Abuse: Forced or coerced sexual activity, including rape, sexual assault, or any non-consensual sexual acts within the marriage. This may also include non physical acts.

Additional Important Terms

Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR): Methods of resolving conflicts outside of court, including mediation and collaborative divorce. These approaches typically cost less and cause less emotional stress than litigation.

Annulment: A legal procedure that declares a marriage null and void, as if it never legally existed. This is different from divorce, which ends a valid marriage. An Annulment can be difficult to obtain in New York State.

Discovery: The formal process of gathering information about each spouse's assets, debts, and relevant facts for the divorce. In collaborative divorce, this is typically done voluntarily and cooperatively.

Equitable Distribution: The legal principle used in New York for dividing marital property in a divorce. "Equitable" means fair, not necessarily equal.

Facilitator: In collaborative divorce, a mental health professional who helps manage emotions, improve communication, and focus on constructive problem-solving.

Financial Neutral: An expert in collaborative divorce who helps both parties understand their complete financial picture and explore options for division of assets and support.

Jurist: A judge, referee or magistrate who has the power to make a determination as to your divorce, separation, custody, support, or other issues.

Maintenance (Alimony): Court-ordered or agreed-upon payments from one spouse to the other after divorce, typically to help the receiving spouse maintain their standard of living.

Memo of Understanding: A written document that summarizes the key points and agreements reached during mediation sessions. It is not a legally binding contract but serves as a record of what has been discussed and what the parties have tentatively agreed upon.

No-Fault Divorce: A divorce where neither party must prove wrongdoing by the other. New York allows couples to divorce citing "irretrievable breakdown" of the marriage for at least six months.

Parenting Plan: A detailed document outlining how separated or divorced parents will share responsibilities for their children, including schedules, decision-making, and communication protocols.

Pro Se Filing: When you represent yourself in your divorce application, without an attorney. While it can seem like a money-saving option, navigating legal paperwork and court requirements on your own can be tricky and time-consuming.

QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order): A special court order that divides retirement accounts like 401(k)s and pensions between divorcing spouses. Think of it as the legal tool that lets you split these retirement benefits without getting hit with early withdrawal penalties. It's separate from your divorce agreement and often needed for any retirement account division.

Retainer Agreement: The contract between you and your attorney that outlines the scope of services, fees, and expectations for the attorney-client relationship.

Separate Property: Property owned by one spouse before the marriage or acquired by gift or inheritance during the marriage, which is typically not subject to division in a divorce.

Statement of Net Worth: A detailed financial document required in divorce proceedings that lists all assets, debts, income, and expenses. Some jurisdictions require this document to be completed and some allow for a formal Waiver of this requirement.